Why My Husband & I Take The Love Language Test Annually
Do you know your love language?
If your answer to the question above is "no", I highly suggest grabbing the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In a nutshell, Gary Chapman highlights the following love languages.
1. Words of Affirmation
To me, words of affirmation are something like: "You look wonderful in that dress" OR "You're doing a great job" OR "thank you for working so hard to provide for our family".
2. Acts of Service
Taking tasks that you don't normally do, but your partner does. Like, washing the dishes, cooking dinner, making the bed.
3. Receiving Gifts
Since receiving gifts is my husband's top love language, I asked him what it means to receive gifts. Basically, receiving gifts doesn't necessarily mean a new Ferrari, it could be something creative, something thoughtful. He also stressed that although receiving gifts is his top love language, that it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to receive all the gifts. To him, it's also watching others receive gifts. It goes hand in hand with giving. He loves the thought that always goes behind a gift.
4. Quality Time
Quality time is spending some time together with no distractions like PEDs, or driving around and having conversations.
5. Physical Touch
Physical touch can go from a warm embrace, a peck or a kiss and heck, even sex.
When I started dating my husband a couple of years ago, one of the first things he made me do was take a personality test. I thought that was weird. My results, however, didn't surprise me one bit, but I'm sure it gave him an idea of who he is dealing with. To be completely, 100%, honest, I hate the process of taking those tests. You always get a yes or no and sometimes an in-between choice for answers, but the results are almost always spot on!
Anyway, isn't dating so much fun? You're with a cute boy or girl and you're so in love... then, you get in an argument and you always want to win, at least I did. Anyone else like winning? It feels great, doesn't it? Just like all relationships, we ran into conflict, misunderstandings, and unmet expectations. Because the relationship was so new to us, George who was all of a sudden with me after being single for years and I, with the endless trust issues, we didn't know how to properly approach each other to "fix" things. We just kind of let it go and when we felt better, we came back to each other.
At the time of the arguments, I was soooo into reading blog posts about relationships and marriage. My personal favorite blog is this. I know, a little too early for the marriage part, but I also didn't want to date George just to let go when we were done with each other. I wanted and actually, we wanted to date with the intent of marriage.
I am almost 70% sure that I first found The 5 Love Languages at our old church coffee shop and maybe 30% online. Since everything is basically available online, I searched for it and found The Love Language Test, similar to the personality test he had me take early on in the relationship. In my head, there was no way he would decline taking it because he had me take the personality test and if he thought it was a little "cheesy" at the time, just ask him how helpful it's been.
We took our tests together and our results couldn't be any more opposite of each other. His top love language was giving gifts and mine was quality time. So, you can only imagine that his bottom love language was quality time and mine was, you guessed it, giving gifts.
I was surprisingly scared of the results. I didn't know how I could possibly take his love languages and use it to better our relationship. It was hard to learn and incorporate it into our relationship, but when we finally did, our relationship became more sound.
Fast forward to a year later and our love language seemed to have shifted a little. We were back to arguing and laying down on the table "unmet expectations". So, we took the test again and our love languages sure have shifted.
To us, the results made sense. We weren't the people we were when we took our first love language test back in 2016. We've experienced many things since then. So, we made a pact and agreed to take the test annually. Basically, by doing this, it gives us a reason to check in with each other and understand each other better to keep our relationship thriving.
Have you taken the love language test?
What's your love language? Does your partner know? If you have no words to describe to your partner your expectations in your relationship, I believe taking the test is a great first step. That way, you don't have to explain, your results will.
Take test HERE.
Make sure to email your results every time you take it to keep as a record.
ARE YOU AN OVERACHIEVER?
Display it! Put it on your refrigerator. Put it somewhere where you and your partner can see it.
I highly recommend taking The 5 Love Language Test at least once a year or every six months if you must. Always be proactive about your relationship and always serve without expecting anything in return. If serving your partner makes you happy, then, you're doing great. Pat yourself on the back sometimes, you deserve it!