To The Millennial Military Wife...
Can I have a casual, yet heart-to-heart conversation with you? Probably like you, I am a military wife of the 21st century and I want to do so many things for myself besides just becoming a wife.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love being married and I think my husband is the greatest man alive. I could go on and on about him, but this is not what it is all about. I also just want to make it clear, so there is no confusion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with becoming a wife and/or mom. But as you decide to continue reading this, keep an open mind and take others into consideration: some are meant to be stay-at-home moms/wives and others are meant to be working moms/wives. Both are equally important roles, it just comes down to reference.
Some of the many things I want to do for myself is graduate with my Bachelors Degree. My uncle once said,
That has stuck with me for years now. Other things I want in life are life-long friends, be close (but, not too close) to my family and ultimately to stop questioning God's plan for my life.
Becoming a military wife has had its challenges and I'm about to embark on the biggest one yet: WE ARE MOVING TO ITALY.
In the months leading up to this moment, I became numb. It was the only "feeling" I chose to feel because it was too much to handle. It felt as if my life was going as fast as the trains in Spain and most importantly, I felt alone. I felt alone, uncared for and quite frankly, it felt like I did not matter to anyone besides my parents. Ever felt that?
I was partially optimistic about the situation because who doesn't want to live in Italy, but the other half of me was far too removed from what was happening. It was so difficult to not be able to talk to my best friend about how I was feeling, it was so difficult to only talk to my husband about it and it was more difficult that I did not know how to talk to God about it at all.
I cried so many times, more than I could count and as days kept passing, I cried less and less.
There are so many things to be afraid of about moving to another country and they were all justifiable. I knew going into this that my husband will have to deploy sometime during our four years in Italy. I will be alone, in a new country and if you know me, I would be worried sick about my husband. In general, I wasn't ready to leave home either and just be "Chana", George's wife.
I wanted to be more. I always have.
Before choosing to be "Chana", I was on a computer science route at a four-year university and I was building a resume I was proud of. It was like my identity. I was independent and in charge of my life.
Then, I had to leave my four-year university and switched to a new one. I took online classes temporarily and found out how lonely it is to be doing it by yourself, all the time. I also found out how difficult it is to transition to our new base, how difficult it is to make new friends, how difficult it is with the language barrier. How difficult everything was.
Then, I realized. I chose this life. I chose a life to be with my husband and everything will be okay. When I came to my senses and stopped questioning God's plan for my life, I felt at peace. I felt at peace knowing that we will be okay and you will be okay, too.
You'll be okay, sister. You'll be okay.
Drop me a line if you wanna talk. I would love to build a community where we can talk about this life.